Being a Mom: The Journey of Love, Worry, and Faith

Motherhood is a roller coaster ride, filled with love, laughter, and moments of heart-wrenching doubt. As the mother of an 8-year-old boy, I’ve experienced every emotion under the sun. My son is incredibly sensitive. My boy feels everything deeply. He feels emotions so deeply that when he’s anxious, he stops eating and becomes quiet. The thought of separation from us—even for school outings—fills him with dread. I find myself on an emotional tightrope, balancing between nurturing his needs and fostering his independence. For the past eight years, I’ve stayed with him almost every night. Until recently….

Marriage and Motherhood came to me later in life, making it an even more precious journey. Last month, I traveled for work for the first time in his life. I could have avoided the trip—my colleagues would have understood—but I chose to go. I wanted to teach him that it’s okay for Mom to be away. His father, whose love runs just as deep as mine, stayed with him. But when I returned, he had developed a fever.

Yesterday, I had to travel again. Despite my reassurances on the phone, he didn’t eat all day. He went to school, and attended football practice, but refused to touch food. Finally, his dad coaxed him into having a Subway sandwich. When I heard about it, I felt a pang of guilt. Am I doing something wrong? Am I failing him somehow? Why does he struggle so much when I’m not around?

I’ve seen friends leave their children for weeks, and their kids seem perfectly fine. Or maybe that’s just how it looks from the outside. It made me wonder about my choices over the years." My colleagues suggested that I might be the problem. “You have to wean him off this dependency,” they said. “He’s a boy, after all.” But why should his gender dictate his emotional depth?

Eight years ago, I stepped down from a lucrative senior position to be with him—a decision I embraced wholeheartedly. But now, I find myself questioning: have I handled this right? Have I shielded him too much?

When I returned yesterday, he ran to me and hugged me tightly. All my anger and doubt melted away. My husband and our help told me he wasn’t himself while I was gone. He had even said, “Mom should not have gone!” But today, he’s happy again, and life feels normal. Yet, I’m scared. What if something happens to me one day? How will he cope without me? can he adopt? Can someone else take care of him as I do?

This, I guess, is what they call being a mom. It’s an endless journey of love, fear, and hope. It’s about teaching our kids to stand on their own while secretly wanting to hold their hand forever.

I’m comforted by my faith, believing that God will always look out for him. But the mother in me can’t stop worrying. God, I know You know what's best for us and you will do the same. I surrender.

I love you, my son!